neg
verb
| NEG
to manipulate someone by eroding their confidence and self-esteem
What does neg mean?
To neg someone is to manipulate them, usually with thinly veiled insults and backhanded compliments meant to erode their confidence and self-esteem. The term is most frequently used in the context of a man manipulating a woman he is attracted to as a form of seduction, however: 1) anyone can neg, and 2) neg is also used more broadly outside of the context of dating for any emotional manipulation involving backhanded compliments.
Examples of neg
Went on a date with a guy because my friends pestered me to give him a chance because he was “nice”. He negged me the entire date, he insulted my degree and he kept looking at the woman next to our table. I said “nope!” and ghosted him.
—@batimafernardes, Reddit, 25 Dec. 2021
With negging, a question isn’t actually a question your date, or match, or partner is expecting an answer to, explains [licensed social worker Silvi] Saxena. Instead, it’s a question meant to communicate distaste. Common example: You’re going to wear that? Do you really think that is a good date idea? Are you sure you need dessert? All these questions imply the asker thinks your decision is (all caps) WRONG. If the tone sucks and the wording of the Q implies your original choice is wrong, odds are you’re being negged.
—My AP English teacher hates genre fiction so much that when the school's other English teacher told AP Guy that he'd heard I was a writer, AP Guy looked me up and sent me an email negging me with a backhand comment about how I was “churning out books” & then told me to look up his poetry symposium.
—We’ve all probably been dismissed, patronised and ignored by doctors but have you ever been NEGGED by one
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Where does neg come from?
The OED dates the earliest-known uses of neg, a shortening of negative, to the late 1990s. It gained wider attention with the publication of a 2005 book about the world of “pickup artists”—men who cultivate seduction skills in order to gain temporary sexual partners. The book also included a noun use of neg, used for the name of the manipulative technique.
Some of the recommended techniques are sinister. One involves discreetly undermining a woman’s self-esteem by paying her a backhanded compliment in the hope that she will hang around to seek your approval. This manoeuvre has its own name: ‘the Neg’.
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How is neg used?
Like a standard verb. The noun negging is also used for the manipulation itself.
Lightly-insulting teasing has been a flirting technique forever, which both men and women make use of. It’s often harmless and mutual. However, actual negging (as outlined in the pick up artist book, ‘The Game’) tends to take this a step further and is employed specifically to manipulate women with low self-esteem or bring “attractive women” down a few notches.
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